Have you ever felt completely drained by endless notifications, struggled to understand why you’re exhausted despite “not doing very much,” or overlooked your own massive achievements until someone else pointed them out?
In this solo episode of The Ambitious Introvert®, I’m diving deep into three powerful client stories to highlight common introvert challenges and, importantly, the solutions to them that lead to better performance.
You’ll learn how to:
- Break the Cycle of Constant Task Switching: Understand the real cost of distractions, why notifications are secretly sabotaging your energy and productivity, and how setting clear boundaries and communicating openly can dramatically shift your workday.
- Recognize Invisible Energy Drains: Discover why “not doing much” might actually be exhausting you, how emotional and mental labor quietly impacts your energy, and a simple tool to visualize your bandwidth and prevent burnout.
- Celebrate Your Wins, the Right Way: Stop underestimating your accomplishments by getting granular. I’ll show you why breaking achievements down into their true complexity boosts confidence and helps you fully recognize your growth.
If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, overwhelmed, or like your introverted energy just isn’t aligning with the demands of your work or personal life, this episode is full of strategies to help you reclaim your energy and thrive on your own terms.
LINKS AND RESOURCES:
◾️ Multitasking doesn’t work so why do we keep trying by Freakonomics
CONNECT WITH EMMA-LOUISE:
Website: https://theambitiousintrovert.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emmalouparkes/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emmalouparkes
Sign up to receive my monthly Introverts Only digest, delivering all the best introvert-friendly resources straight to your inbox, minus the scroll here.
PREMIUM SUPPORT:
Interested in working with me 1:1? Learn more and apply here.
As the old saying goes, when you are inside the jar, you can’t read the label.
In this episode, I’m going to be sharing some really interesting conversations that I’ve had over the last few months with private clients. And these were instances where the client has been super focused on performing at their best, but actually they’ve missed a vital piece of how whatever it is they’re doing was actually detrimental to their performance.
I was able to see how this affected them. We were able to reframe it, and they could make a change so that they could perform at their best and reach their potential.
So in this episode, I’m going to be sharing some of those with you. I would not be surprised if most people listening have felt at least one of them—and maybe you’re even engaging in two, or maybe all of them.
My hope is that in this episode, you can listen, maybe start to see where you may be acting in a way that you think is really helpful to your career or business—but when you look underneath the hood, you realise that it’s actually draining your energy and capacity significantly.
Let’s dive in.
Client Number One, Situation Number One
My client was on a team and in a department that was very extrovert-heavy, and she was feeling really worn out by the need to be on Teams all of the time.
She was finding that she needed space to really focus and get deep work done. But the notifications were pinging up constantly. It was pulling her attention away from the task at hand so that she could respond and keep up to date with what everyone was talking about.
When we coached around this, there was a deep-seated fear of being judged, because she was fairly new in that department and she did not want to be seen as lazy, or disengaged, or not making an effort to keep abreast of developments or fit in with the conversation.
But it was getting to a point where she was not getting her work done because it was pulling her attention away so much.
The actual problem with this behaviour is task switching. Task switching is a massive energy drain. There is so much science, there are so many studies behind this. In fact, I’m going to drop a podcast episode in the show notes from the Freakonomics podcast, which dives very, very deeply into this.
Most people think they can multitask. In fact, it’s about 2.5% of the population. So when you are constantly switching between two things, it takes your brain time to realign and for your focus to get back into what you were doing in the first place.
If you’re going constantly between the work you’re trying to do and answering messages, you can literally be wasting hours per day. Hours.
Like I say, if you want the science behind that, I will drop that podcast in the show notes. Well worth listening to.
But then the other problem with this is not only was it taking her attention away and meaning that her work was not getting done—it was also affecting her long-term capacity, because each day she was getting a little, little more drained.
Being in the group chat is not ideal for us. It’s not how we’re wired. Most people don’t love the constant stimulus and notifications. So she was really in this quandary of: I’m not getting my work done and I’m getting more and more drained and exhausted.
However, I need to make a good impression. I need to be seen to be engaged. I don’t want them to think that I’m ignoring them or I don’t care.
The Solution: Over-Communicate, Set Boundaries, Show Results
The solution that we came up with in this case was threefold.
First: Over-communicate. It’s really hard if everyone else is extroverted and you need the workplace to be a certain way at times that they will not fully understand. They are probably getting a lift from that group chat. However, it will still be affecting their capacity because of the task switching.
As an introvert, it’s going to drain us so much faster.
So the first approach was to over-communicate. That meant there would be no misunderstanding and no one would think she was lazy or disengaged.
She would say, “Hey, I really get distracted by notifications and I want to see what you’re all saying and keep up. However, I have X that I really need to concentrate on and get done, and I want to do it to my best. I want to make sure that I produce a really high-quality piece of work. So for X time each day, I’m going to switch off my notifications and I’ll catch up on any messages when I’ve done my focused work.”
This was actually twofold. That was over-communicating, but it meant there was no way anyone thought she was just being lazy or not working. Which I don’t think they would have done anyway, based on this client and how much she cared about her work—the fact that she’d engaged an executive coach to make sure that she performs well, right?
Second: She set clear boundaries. She said between these times—or, you know, on Friday mornings—I’m not going to be on Teams, or each day between one and two. Whatever that looks like for her and whatever that might look like for you.
Really state that very, very clearly and stick to it.
Setting those boundaries and then enforcing them is the best way to train people what to expect. So if she was quiet in the group chat, after a few days they’ll go, “Oh yeah, she’s doing the deep work thing. She’ll be back online in an hour.”
And I will say—this is not a job that was safety critical in any way, shape, or form where she would need to be contacted there and then and do something in that second.
Third: Show, don’t tell. Yeah, you can tell everyone, “Hey, I’m going to remove myself from notifications because I want to do some really great work.”
Great. Then do the really great work.
Because the really great work is what will help people to understand. When they put those two things together—“Oh, this person is less active in the chat because they want to do deep work, and whoa, they just turned this work in and it’s far better than the work they were turning in previously,” or “They got this done much faster”—they will see the correlation.
If you are protecting your energy, if you are performing really well, and if you are respecting the other people in your team by communicating that, that is win-win-win.
No one will be offended by you not being in the chat under those circumstances.
So it’s really important to own that.
It can feel very intimidating. It can feel like you’re going against the grain or you’re being a bit precious or any of these things. But when you understand yourself as an introvert—you understand your bandwidth, you understand your energy on all of those different levels—you know that long-term, that is not sustainable.
By making these small interventions, you can make a massive difference.
That is something this client actually said when we ended our work together—she was surprised at how small a lot of the interventions we made were.
We didn’t do a complete 180. We didn’t turn her habits upside down.
It was small things like this: communicating something once and switching some notifications off.
She went, “Oh my gosh, that has changed everything for me.”
Client Number Two
Now this client I have supported for many, many years. So this was kind of easy for me to see straight away, because obviously I understand her motivations and her patterns.
She came to the call and said, “I don’t know why I’m so tired. I don’t understand it. I haven’t done anything, but I’m exhausted, and I can feel that my resilience is really low.”
She had a bit of a personal problem. There was a family issue that came up which she had to deal with, and she really felt like the tank was empty. She felt like she didn’t have the capacity for it.
But she didn’t know why—because she had been managing her energy and hadn’t really “been doing anything.”
The Misconception of “Not Doing Anything”
The problem here is this client’s definition of “not really doing anything” actually meant:
- Working a full-time job
- Running two businesses (one of which involved face-to-face client time)
- Helping to arrange a retreat
- Working on a new personal project with her husband
- Prepping for a promotion at work, including the interview process and feedback
- Hosting loved ones at her house, including shopping, preparing the spare room, and entertaining them for two and a half days—all while working
When she looked at all this, her internal dialogue was: “I haven’t really done anything.”
But she had been doing a lot.
She also had a history of struggling to relax and feeling like rest needs to be earned—something we’ve coached around in the past.
Another factor? She was doing a skills exchange with a friend. They met every other Sunday, meaning she was only taking two actual days off per month.
Add it all together, and it’s no surprise she was tired. Yet, in her mind, since she hadn’t gone anywhere, it didn’t feel like she’d “been doing much.”
The High Achiever’s Paradox
Part of this is the paradox of being a high achiever.
You know you need rest and recovery. You know it has to be intentional. You know constant pushing leads to burnout.
But if you’re not acknowledging just how much you’re doing in the first place, how can you possibly give yourself enough time to rest?
And the answer is: you can’t.
Because if you feel like you’re not doing much—or it’s never enough—you won’t counter it with the proper rest.
The Solution: Visualize Your Bandwidth
The solution? I had this client create a fresh calendar—not a task calendar, but a bandwidth calendar.
Just a simple Google Calendar or another online option.
Instead of logging appointments or meetings, she used it to map her energy usage.
For example, when she had people come to stay, I told her to mark those three days. Then we added in how many days beforehand she was thinking about it. Afterward, we counted how many days it took to reset, do laundry, and feel grounded again.
That single event affected her energy for eight days.
Same with the promotion. She had to prep for the interview, wait two weeks for the result, then receive and integrate feedback. That’s not one event—it’s a mental and emotional process.
She also had a vacation coming up. That involved: packing, wrapping up work and business tasks, planning, worrying about having enough room in their luggage, and so on. All of that consumes energy.
We Burn More Than We Realize
We are human. Our brains burn a lot of calories.
When we’re carrying so many things mentally and emotionally, it adds up—even if we haven’t physically left the house.
This isn’t to say “don’t do as much,” although in her case, we did agree two days off a month isn’t enough based on how hard she works.
But there’s so much silent labor going on—so much unseen bandwidth being used—that she hadn’t been accounting for.
When we finished the energy calendar, some days had four or five overlapping layers of effort… on top of a responsible full-time job and running two businesses.
Use It to Look Back and Look Ahead
If you’re feeling tired, burnt out, or overwhelmed but think, “I haven’t really done that much,” try to make it visual.
Write it down. Make a list. Color-code a calendar.
Looking back helps you validate your experience. Looking forward helps you protect your energy.
For example, I told her a story about my own planning. In October, I’ve got a friend coming to London with a big group of people. I’ll have to travel, stay overnight, be social, and probably have a drink or two.
I already know:
- I’ll be at the end of my cycle, so lower energy
- I’ll need a buffer afterward to rest
- I shouldn’t schedule intense work the day after
So I plan accordingly.
These moments don’t just “take up time”—they take up capacity. And if you don’t see that clearly, you can’t plan or rest properly.
Final Lesson: Celebrate Your Wins the Right Way
Now onto the third and final client story—and this one is not too dissimilar from the last.
One of the things I often have my clients do is list out everything they’ve achieved over a certain timeframe.
In this case, the client was finishing a six-month contract and re-signing for another six. Her six-month period aligned perfectly with the calendar year, starting in January.
Before we began again, I said, “Let’s list everything you’ve achieved from January to June.”
She made a Google Doc and shared it with me.
This client had done a lot. She’s an entrepreneur who’s been incredibly creative and innovative. She had her firsts, she pushed outside of her comfort zone, and she grew a lot.
But the list? It felt underwhelming.
It didn’t reflect all she had done.
Why? Because it was too high level. For example:
- “Launched a new program”
- “Launched a podcast”
That’s all it said.
The Problem: Missing the “Bits in the Bits”
I told her she was missing what I call “the bits in the bits.”
Take “launched a podcast,” for example.
That one line actually included:
- Hiring her first team member
- Learning how to interview people
- Reaching out and inviting guests
- Mastering new tech
- Writing the intro
- Designing the artwork
- Creating episode formats
- Talking solo into a mic (which is weird, I know—I still feel odd doing it!)
- Facing visibility fears
- Planning content weeks in advance
- Sharpening her message and audience clarity
All of those are skills. All of those require energy. All of those reflect growth.
Same with “launched a new program.” She also:
- Designed the entire framework
- Created exercises
- Signed and delivered for two clients
- Led them through the full experience
The Solution: Get Granular
So the fix?
Get granular.
This is the reverse of why people struggle to start things—because “Start a podcast” feels massive.
But if you break it down:
- Pick a name
- Create artwork
- Write intro copy
Suddenly it’s doable.
Same thing when you’re reviewing your progress.
When you achieve something, don’t just say, “I did that one thing.”
Look at:
- What new skills you used
- Where you stretched
- What uncomfortable thing you pushed through
Whether you’re an entrepreneur or in a corporate role—your growth is multifaceted.
Final Encouragement
I think sometimes, as introverts, we can be very humble. Especially high achievers.
We say things like:
“Oh, it’s not a big deal.”
“Anyone could’ve done that.”
“I’m not really a leader.”
But when we break it down and look closely, we see the leadership.
We see the growth.
We see the confidence it took.
If you hired a team member and led them? That’s leadership.
If you launched a podcast and shared your voice? That’s visibility.
So don’t bundle your brilliance into vague headlines.
Break it down. See it clearly. Celebrate every step.
Closing Thoughts
Thank you for joining me for this episode.
I hope something here sparked a realization—maybe you saw a reflection of yourself, or maybe a reframe clicked into place.
Ultimately, I want you to perform at your best.
I want you to reach your potential.
And I want you to do that without depleting your energy.
As introverts, we’re wired differently.
And that’s not a flaw—it’s a gift.
We just need to follow our own path to success.
Thank you so much for tuning in. I’ll see you in the next episode.
P.S. – Want More Tools Like This?
Thank you for tuning in to this week’s episode.
I hope you’re feeling expanded to what’s possible, motivated to take action, and inspired about how you can start to own your energy.
I share even more tools and resources in my introverts-only email newsletter.
By signing up, you’ll get early access to The Ambitious Introvert® products and services—plus, brand-new podcast episodes delivered straight to your inbox every Monday.
That way, you never miss your weekly dose of introvert-friendly inspiration.
Sign up now at theambitiousintrovert.com/newsletter or click the link in the show notes.
See you next week!
