In this solo episode I’m sharing a powerful mindset shift inspired by a recent coaching session. If you’ve ever worried that desiring something – clients, success, connection – makes you selfish, this episode will change the way you see things.
Through a deeply personal (and slightly unexpected) story about a long-lost IKEA chair, I’m sharing how the things you desire might be looking for you, too. This episode is a reminder that wanting something isn’t a one-way street – it’s an energetic exchange for the good of everyone involved.
What You’ll Learn:
- How introverts can reframe visibility and self-promotion
- Why it’s not selfish to want clients, love, or opportunity
- The quiet confidence that comes from trusting energetic reciprocity
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Welcome to the ambitious Introvert, the leading growth and development podcast for the estimated 56% of us who recharge by going inwards. Our purpose is to help you manage your social battery and own your energy so you can reach your true potential in your business, your career or your life.
I’m your host, Emma Louise Parkes, a former air traffic controller, entrepreneur and a success Coach with over 15 years experience. I’ve supported hundreds of introverts like you who dream big and are ready to take action towards making those dreams a reality without compromising their energy in the process. Each week my guests and I will be sharing tips, tricks and hacks on how to build your resilience, master your mindset and cultivate self leadership skills that will help you reach your goals without trying to be someone that you’re not. We’ll also be sharing valuable lessons and insights from our own personal experiences, all focused on one thing. Helping you own your energy to reach your potential.
Welcome back to the show.
This short solo episode, it is inspired by a coaching conversation that I had with a client of mine just a few weeks ago. And this client is someone that is highly, highly experienced in her field and has a tonne of experience in doing what she does, but is newer as a business owner in taking that skill and marketing it and herself to the world. And a kind of mindset that she was stuck in was that somehow she was being greedy and selfish by wanting clients, that this was almost like a one way street, and that by being out there and talking about her services she was somehow, somehow like convincing people to work with her or manipulating them into working with her.
And of course, you know, she didn’t realise this on the surface. We dug around and got to this after some deep coaching questions and the reframe that I had her play with was what if everything that you want wants you back?
Now this is something that is touted a lot in like law of attraction circles, but there are actually real psychological reasons that focus in, in this way actually works. So we had her think about, okay, you want clients, but those clients want you. Like those clients are actively out there thinking, I wish I had someone to support me in this thing that I really need help with. And as soon as she was able to shift that, she was able to sign three clients, which is insane. So in honour of that I wanted to share a little story to back this up, which is not related to business in any way, shape or form, but I think gives a really, really nice example of this in action in other ways.
So as soon as we were having this discussion of everything you want want you back, I started to think about ways that I had seen this happen for myself so that I could share that with her. Right. So that I can give some kind of evidence. So it’s not just a nice quote, but it’s like, oh yeah, this actually happens.
Like people want stuff and then the stuff wants them.
So the one story that came up for me was about 12 years ago, maybe a little bit more actually I redecorated my dining room. And when I redecorated the dining room, I bought different pieces of furniture to go, you know, in very specific places, very intentional. And I bought a chair from Ikea and I guess you would call this an occasional chair because it was an upholstered chair and it was moderately comfortable, but you wouldn’t like Lounengge in it. But it fitted really nicely in the corner space and it was a very nice kind of mid century modern style. And it was one of the IKEA Stockholm range. Now if you are not a huge IKEA fan. I am a huge IKEA fan. IKEA Stockholm is a range that they release I think once a year and it’s a small kind of curated design LED range and it’s typically a little more expensive than your standard ikea. people go wild about it. You know, it kind of, it goes viral. People make YouTube videos about it these days. They didn’t back then probably. And quite often they sell out and they become, you know, really coveted pieces.
So this chair that I bought happened to be ike.com. i didn’t buy it for that reason. I bought it because it was the right vibe and it fitted perfectly in the corner. So I bought the chair. I even had a cushion made for it, you know, very nice and it’s all good. And fast forward a few years and after a health scare, I changed the way I ate significantly and I started eating fully whole food, diet and cooking everything from scratch at home. And I was having like recipe boxes delivered, farmers boxes delivered, and I started to mail order, organic grass fed meat, which was really hard to get in the supermarkets here at the time.
And what I found was because I live in the UK in a Victorian house with a minimal kitchen, let’s just say I had one whole unit was my fridge and my freezer, it was split in two. So kind of standard unit size was one of each. And I didn’t have enough room because I was getting this farmers S box delivered and like loads of fresh produce.
And then to get the meat delivery, it had to be a certain amount and I d only got like three trays in the freezer. So I made the decision to buy a standalone freezer and I got a really nice retro smeg one so that it fitted. Cause I’ve got kind of an open plan kitchen dining room. But the only place that it fit was the corner where this chair was. So moved the chair, put the freezer, bought a new full length fridge for to replace the old fridge freezer. But I have this chair. I had this chair left over and I’m like, oh, what am I gonna do with this chair?
And the other thing that had happened in the couple of years that I’d had this chair is that my cat Mimi had decided that this chair was a wonderful scratching post. Just, it was just the right height for her around the edges to really get her nails in and give them a good claw. And because it was like this beautiful smooth off white, fabric, it was like loops of fabric that she pulled out. So this chair was, you know, from a distance it looked great. Close up was a little ropey.
So I called the charity where I usually donate all my furniture to and they saw he send some pictures. I said yeah. And then they were like, oh no, no, we’re not taking that because it looks really tatty. I was like, oh, okay. I was like, someone could repholster it though. And they were like, no. So I went on to IKEA to look for a cover because when I bought it, you bought the chair and the cushion and then you bought the cover separately.
They had like three or four different designs. And so I looked and they didn’t do them anymore. I was, I couldn’t even get a new cover for it. I was like, oh, this is such a shame because this is a great chair. It’s just I don’t now have the space for it doesn’t fit anywhere. So I decided to list this chair on ebay. So I took multiple photographs and including like very close up of the Mimi damage and tat.
So I did these photographs, I listed the chair and put the dimensions and all of that stuff. So I listed it on ebay for a week and I put a very, very low starting price. I probably put like 99 pence. And then I think I put a reserve price of like maybe £20. Not too much. Anyway, nothing, absolutely nothing happened. Like, okay, fine. So ebay used to have this thing, I don’t know if this will do where it would list for free if it didn’t sell. So it just carried. I got an email saying, hey, your item didn’t sell but we’ve relisted it for free. okay, great. So it relisted end for free for another week. Nothing, like no one really viewed it, no one put it in their cart, kind of forgot about it. It relisted again for the third week and then about two days after it had relisted, I get a message on ebay from someone who said, would you consider putting this item on a Buy it now for me so that I can literally buy it now and if so, let me know how much and could I come and collect it on Friday? And this was like a Tuesday or something. So at this stage I’m just happy someone wants to take it off my hands. So I said, yeah, like it’s like 30 pounds or something because I’m not there to make profit from it, I just want rid of it now. And this person was like, amazing. Please make the bite now. I’ll do it straight away. Can I come on Friday lunchtime? Yeah. Great. So they paid straight away, you know, got the money through and you sent my address details so that they could come and collect it. And then before I tell you what happens when they came to collect it, we’re just going to have a very quick word from the sponsors of today’s episode.
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Okay, I hope I didn’t keep you in suspense for too long. So Friday comes along and this lady appears at my door lunchtime and introduces herself. I’m here for the chair. Great, great. Come in. And she comes into my dining room. The chair’s there in the dining room. And she starts to cry, like, sob happy tears. He was like, are you okay? And she said, I have been looking for this chair for two years. Should you have no idea. I didn’t think I was going to find it. And every so often I just looked on ebay on the off chance and I saw yours and I couldn’t believe it. Should I been looking for years. I was like, this exact chair.
Turns out what had happened, this lady was an interior designer and she had moved to her dream home in Wales, bought this big dream home, which she had then designed beautifully, obviously, because she’s an interior designer. And she’d done room by room by room to make this, you know, exactly everything that she wanted. And the last room that she’d done was the bedroom. It’s a bedroom, en suite, dressing, groom area. And she’d mapped it all out. She designed it and she’d found this chair on Ikea and it fitted perfectly in the dressing room. It matched everything else. It was the right size. It just fit in the corner, all of these things. So then she went ahead, got everything done, got the bathroom renovated, decorated the bedroom, you, the carpets, all of this. And then she went on to the Ikea, website to order the chair. And guess what? IKEA Stockholm limited range chair wasn’t available anymore. And she said she looked everywhere for a similar chair and just couldn’t find anything that was right. Couldn’t find anything. So it’s worth noting at this point, this lady drove from Wales to Portsmouth, where I live, to pick up this chair, which is about a four and a half hour drive.
Now, if you’re listening in the States or in Australia, you’re probably thinking, right? And that is like half of the uk. She drove like half of the country. She drove nine hours in a day to collect this chair. And so I was like, you literally, I had this chair and you were looking for this chair and you happened to find it and connect. And I said, you know, it’s really tatty. Know where the cats scratched it? Like, I didn’t hide that on ebay. And she said, I have material to reupholster it. She said, when I was designing the room, said, I have an upholstered bed and I have curtains in the same material. And I have a little stool at my dressing table. And that cushion has the same material. And I ordered it all at the same time shed. And I’ve had this material tucked away for two years. That’s the exact amount that I need to reupholster this exact chair that I’ve been looking for for two years.
She’s like, and I’m an interior designer, I can repholster myself, it will take me no time. And so she took the chair, she put it in her car, which was a tiny little car. We had to drop the seats, it got in there and off she drove back to Wales with her chair that she was so happy about. She had cried. And I think this is just such a great story because I wanted to get rid of the chair. Not for any malicious reason, obviously I liked the chair, it just didn’t work for me anymore. And then I tried all these ways of getting rid of it. Like o, I least it here and then I’ll tryied the charity and nothing happened. So I could have thought, oh, nobody wants this chair. I’m just go goingna give up. But because it just kept listing, somebody out there wanted it and they were able to see it.
Imagine that I cancelld the listing after a week. Imagine if I’d been in the mindset of my client of like oh, this is selfish of me. Like it’s selfish for me to try to get money for this chair. Nobody wants this chair. And actually somebody did want that chair. And not only that, but that chair completed their entire house that they had lovingly restored and designed themselves as their dream retirement home that just for the sake of a chair, like it’s insane.
So all of this to say the moral of the story is wanting something isn’t a one way street. It’s always two way. There’s always energy both ways. One of the things people will often say when they’re trying to test their trust, muscle or play around with manifestation or anything like that is, you know, manifest something small. Be like, oh, I’d love a free coffee. You know, just to give you the confidence that you can create something like that happening. But then you’ve got to think like somebody wants to give you that free coffee. It’s either that an employee would like feel really good gifting you a coffee or maybe a person in line like pays it back and buys it for you, but they want that too. It’s always, always gonna be both ways when we want something for genuinely good reason, which is why I tried the charity, right? Like, oh, I want someone to have this because I’m, not gonna use it anymore.
I bought it for a certain purpose that isn’t needed. Like, I want someone else to get use out of this. When we’re approaching anything from that kind of positive angle, when we approach maybe signing clients like my client did through that angle of, oh, I want this, and there are people out there that want me and it’s important that I hold on to that vision and it’s important that I get visible and it’s important that I talk about what I do.
And don’t think of it as being selfish or greedy or self centred, but think of it as being like a way to put out there that it’s available exactly the same way that I put out there.
The chair was available by listing it on ebay. So I guess if I want you to take anything from this short episode, it is maybe to think about what is the thing that you want that you maybe haven’t made the connection that someone on the other side wants it too.
Another great example is dating. Many people look for a partner or they go on apps or however they’re going about it and they’re very focused on themselves. Like, I want this, I want this, I want this. But what if they flip that to say, hey, there’s someone that wants me, there’s someone out there that’s actively looking for someone just like me. They’re dying to match with me and they love all of these things that I’ve said in my profile. So rather than feeling like it’s, us out there searching and asking for something and it’s just for our benefit, no one else gets anything good from it, is remembering that whatever it is that we’re looking for and whatever it is we want absolutely wants us back.
Thank you for tuning in and I’ll see you in the next episode.
Thank you for tuning in into this week’s episode. I hope that you’re feeling expanded to what’s possible for you, motivated to take action and inspired about how you can start to own your energy. I share even more tools and resources on my introvert’s only email newsletter. By signing up, you not only get early access to the ambitious introvert products and services, but you also get brand new podcast episodes delivered straight to your inbox every Monday. Meaning you’ll never miss your weekly dose of introvert friendly inspiration. Sign up now at theambitiousintrovert.comewsletter or click the link in the Show Notes. See you next week.
