Building a Business of Purpose with Samantha Touchais

[00:00:05] Samantha Touchais: Hello. 

[00:00:05] Emma-Lou Parkes: Hello. Welcome to this week’s episode of ambitious introvert. I’m Emma Louise, and this is going to be the most unscripted Lucy, just go with the flow episode, I think I’ve ever done. And I’m going to give you a little backstory about today’s guest. So today’s guest and I connected through a friend of mine.

Karen Kasane, who has been a guest on podcast. Who was Samantha’s coach at the time saying that she thought that Samantha would be a great guest for the podcast and I wasn’t recording at the time. So I took the details. Um, it’s not the came and joined the Facebook group we’ve been connected ever since.

And this is like my long lost twin. We have this same. Opinions the same idea. When someone asks a question on Facebook, we’ve usually got the same answer. Like it’s crazy. So I’m very thrilled to be at minute recording again, and to invite months to be a guest. And because we so similar, we’ve just decided to just talk about stuff that we’ve been coming across lately.

Talk about more about coaching, about the online space, our opinions, what we think, what we feel things we’ve got in common, which is everything. So. Without further ado, some 

[00:01:20] Samantha Touchais: answer. Welcome. Pankey that was the best introduction I’ve ever had. Thank you. 

[00:01:26] Emma-Lou Parkes: I hope we can keep the whole episode at such a high standard.

Thank you for joining me. I do. I do feel like I’ve known you for about a year, even though we’ve never spoken. It’s incredible. Which is crazy. So welcome. And thank you. And would you please introduce yourself to my audience? Tell me a little bit about you. What your business is, how you got there. Anything that you’d like to share with them.

Okay. 

[00:01:51] Samantha Touchais: Thank you very much. And thank you for having me. Um, I left a 22 year corporate career about what is the date nearly six years ago. And I loved my career. I lived in six countries, traveled the world with it, but I got to a stage in my life where I had my own wishes for the rest of my life. I had young children.

I wanted different things out of life. And at the time, I also discovered that I had a life-threatening illness. And when I say life-threatening, it was a 35% mortality rate in the first five years. So it was a very scary time. But as everything in life always has, there was a silver lining. And the way I look at that is that that was exactly what I needed to move into the path that I’m now following.

And I looked at mindset. I looked at how, you know, mind and thoughts affect your behavior, affect your body, affect your environment. And I love science and the brain. So I kind of geeked out on as many books as I could get my hands on and did as much study as I could. And I ended up heading into the mindset coaching.

But one thing that I really really missed was my background. And I have a degree in business. I’d been the head of some really huge brands and for marketing and strategy. So I decided to put the two together and I became a business and mindset coach. And I chose to specifically work with women. I do work with men.

I’m not, I have nothing against men, but, um, I wanted to work with women, particularly because of the mindset issues that we see. And I think also because of the obstacles that a lot of women do face when. And to step into their own business. So fast forward to today, uh, we have finally settled down in France.

We’ve been here for a year, actually. It’s a year exactly yesterday. Um, we’ve bought a house. That’s going to be 400 years old. We’re surrounded by vineyards and life is good. Well, I 

[00:03:49] Emma-Lou Parkes: think that is probably one of the most beautiful introductions anyone’s ever given. 

[00:03:55] Samantha Touchais: So thank you for that. 

[00:03:57] Emma-Lou Parkes: Funny is you’re saying it you’re like I left a corporate job for 22 years.

I’m like, oh, I left mine after 

[00:04:02] Samantha Touchais: 23 years, you know, 

[00:04:05] Emma-Lou Parkes: because I was ill and it made me re reassess things. I’m like, yeah. Being there. So I got into mindset, but then I, you know, brought the business in. Now I’m a business and mindset coach. I’m like, yep. Me too. 

[00:04:18] Samantha Touchais: Yeah, it’s crazy. It’s crazy. 

[00:04:21] Emma-Lou Parkes: I love it. But what we’ve got to have some differences somewhere other than the accent and live in a different countries, we haven’t found, we haven’t found 

[00:04:29] Samantha Touchais: them, but I’m sure we will.

[00:04:32] Emma-Lou Parkes: And what I love is you like me started out in this field because you were very passionate about the transformational effect that coaching can have. And. I’m not saying this is wrong. It’s not a judgment here, but there are people that started out in the business coaching field because they went, oh, I can make a lot of money being a coach.

So I’m going to become a coach so that I can grow business again, nothing wrong with that. But I think when you approach them from different angles, it has a very different energy towards it. Would you agree? 

[00:05:10] Samantha Touchais: Absolutely. And I think longevity is, is a big difference as well, because I think it’s a bit of a myth actually, really.

I mean, coaching of course can bring a lot of money. It absolutely can. And. You know, running your own business is something that you are in control of. So when you think about the corporate world or working for somebody else, there’s set parameters, you know what your monthly salary is, perhaps there’s a bonus scheme, perhaps there’s not, you have your objectives for the year, but you have a pretty good idea of what is coming in financially every year.

And obviously when you go into your own business, it can be a lot worse than a corporate job, or it can be massively better. And I think people get caught up with the. Idea of, I can make so much more money than I am in a regular job. And I think that that’s a shame because coaching it’s the best thing I’ve ever done with my life.

And, you know, a question I always ask myself and, and if it’s appropriate, I’ll ask other people and ask clients is if you could suddenly get. However much a million dollars, X amount of money. What would you do? Would you quit your job? Would you keep going? And for me, I would absolutely keep going. Nothing would change in terms of the clients I work with.

Eventually I might hire more people and sort of, you know, just focus on the coaching rather than them, the other business parts, but I wouldn’t give it up. And I think that’s the difference. And when you love what you do, as corny as it sounds, it does keep you going. You know, you’re going to have ups and downs.

Everybody has ups and downs. The most famous business, people in the world have had huge ups and downs bigger than probably the average, but they’re driven, they’re motivated. They know what they want to achieve. And they wake up every day knowing that that’s where they should be and what they should be doing.

And I think when you go into it with this idea of, I can make so much money yes. That can work. You know, being, being driven, having financial goals can absolutely work, but ultimately if you’re coaching, you’re trying to. Walk alongside somebody and help them down a different path than maybe they thought for themselves.

And there’s all the transformational pieces that go with it. There’s the emotional energy you need to sometimes lend them. And it’s not. Yeah. I can’t even imagine making that work long-term if it was purely for dollar signs and not to actually help people. 

[00:07:30] Emma-Lou Parkes: So I internally answered your question, as you were saying it 

[00:07:33] Samantha Touchais: obviously.

And my first thought, my first thought was, 

[00:07:36] Emma-Lou Parkes: oh, well I would still coach, but I would do it pro bono, or I would do it in a way that impacts people that maybe couldn’t access. Coach and otherwise, and, and could make a difference. So, you know, regardless of the money, I was always going to coach and I think it’s strange because back in my corporate job, like would never work for free.

I that’s not me being facetious, but you know, if they said, can you come and work on your day off for free? Or can you stay for an extra hour at the end of the shift? It was just like, no, like it just would never happen. When I then obviously got my coaching certification. I had to coach. Uh, free I to build up my hours.

I never begrudge doing that. I though it was wonderful. I thought it was the best thing ever. So I think that just goes to show, like, if it’s something that you are happy to do without being financially compensated, then that probably is something that truly brings you joy. 

[00:08:29] Samantha Touchais: Absolutely. And it’s interesting what you say, because when I look back, I’ve worked stupid.

And I have worked, you know, I never had set set hours and the roles I was in, particularly towards the end of, of my corporate career were very senior. And there was that expectation that no matter what happens, I will be there. And particularly when I was traveling, when I was at home, I tried to set boundaries.

To then be with my family. But, you know, I remember my, the last boss I had didn’t have children. I was single and was really, really devoted to the job, but not necessarily in a healthy way. And you know, we had talked many times. Quietly off to the side about, about the differences in our attitudes, in that he recognized he needed some help with that, that he needed to put boundaries up.

We have a night when I think back to the corporate world, I always went that extra mile. That that’s just me and. The feelings I get now versus then where I would feel empty at the end of it. You think? Why am I doing this? I’d be sitting there late at night in the office and thinking I’ve still got so much to do because I’d be given another project.

And another one would be piled on top because I always said, yes, I’d say, okay. Yeah, I’ll do it. I’ll make it happen. And now, whatever I put in is purely going into people. Getting into a better place in life. So there’s the energy’s different. I feel I can come away drained. Sometimes most of the times with my client calls I’m on a high, I absolutely love it, but yeah, there are times when we need to work through some emotional things together, and that is draining.

It’s draining for everybody, but it’s draining in a, this is making a difference kind of way, and I’ve never questioned. Anytime I’ve put into this business and less it’s it’s for me. Cause I’m thinking I need to get more organized or maybe I’m, you know, when I’m looking at the way I’m functioning in my business, but with the client work it’s, there’s never been a moment where I thought, why on earth am I doing this?

[00:10:25] Emma-Lou Parkes: I know for a lot of people that come to business later in life, I’m going to say, well, we’ve had a whole corporate. Uh, not that world, obviously

[00:10:38] Samantha Touchais: more mature experience 

[00:10:41] Emma-Lou Parkes: have experienced 20 plus years in the corporate world previously, um, come into their own business. Boundaries is a huge thing. I think part of it from your working in the house. So I’m in this happened with COVID anyway, to a lot of people, but you don’t have that commute or drive home to differentiate leaving things at the office versus, you know, being at home and not mode.

And also. Boundaries around clients, you know, feeling that expectation of, oh, I need to check my email. What if someone needs to do the inverted e-commerce needs me and all of that. So when you transitioned into your own business, did you have any issues around boundaries 

[00:11:26] Samantha Touchais: with that? I had a million issues.

It was, it was absolute nightmare to be really, really open and transparent. Um, yes I did. Because well, the moments throughout my corporate career, where I would sometimes work from home, or as I said, you know, work on the go work while traveling, um, and whenever you’re at home, you always see the things that need to be done, the washing that needs to be done, and there’s always something to be done.

So I’d experienced that in, in micro doses and then starting my own business. I would to add to that. When I started the business, my youngest was how old was he coming up to six months old? And my oldest was four. And I remember really, really struggling. Trying to just figure out when to work because I’m the kind of person once I just want to get stuck in and really focused.

And I lose myself in my work and it’s not possible with two young children. So I had the youngest, um, who was at school only a few hours a week. It was in his first year of school and the baby and trying to get the baby to nap. And while the older one was, was at school and just trying to manage all at that time, it was really, really difficult.

And I found emotionally. It was hard because when I was working and they were sort of around me wanting my attention, sometimes I’d feel annoyed. And to be fair, I’d feel annoyed with them, even though I know it wasn’t their fault at all, but it was more this, oh, look, I just need to get this email done.

I’ve got the noise, I’ve got the baby grind. I’ve got all of that, trying to focus on the work. And when I was with them, I was thinking exactly, as you say, I just need to check my email in case there’s always this just in case and yeah, that, that was really hard. With my older one, he’s, he’s an old soul that he’s very understanding.

I can talk to him about all sorts of things. He’s nine. Now we have incredible conversations. I remember explaining to him and I sit in a mommy’s working and they would always see me on my phone as well. And that. But, you know, a boundary issue too. And knowing as we get into the teenage years, I don’t want them on their phones all the time.

So having to say that this is I’m working when I’m on my phone, I’m working. And I remember my older one said to me once, mommy, why are you always on your phone? And that really hit me. And I thought that that was the day actually. I thought I really need to make clear boundaries. And I think also with the overwhelm and burnout and when you don’t switch off and I’m a massive overthinker and trying to.

Switch off and I have my to-do lists and I think, okay, I’ll just get through what I can. The rest is there waiting for me on my list for tomorrow. That’s okay. And try and switch off. And it’s, I still struggle with at times I really do so. Yeah. I think, I think boundaries that there’s also boundaries too.

When you have your own business, that it’s, it’s your baby. And this where for me, I feel like if I don’t put the effort in, it’s not going to grow, it’s like, you’ve got to feed the baby, like help the baby sleep. You don’t take the baby for a walk. It’s the same thing with a business. You’ve got to be there for it.

And you feel, if you switch off, you’re neglecting the business, which is not true, but it’s just this feeling of I’ve got to be there. I’ve got to be thinking of new ideas all the time and implementing and doing, and, and it’s. Yeah, it’s a challenge. I find it’s a real challenge. And I know my clients say that to me and speaking to other colleagues and other networks.

It’s, it’s a big challenge. I recently read. We should all be millionaires by Rachel Rogers, 

[00:14:52] Emma-Lou Parkes: which I followed Rachel for a few years anyway. And she talks you then there’s quite a lot in that. About boundaries, which is really interesting. And as you were talking, I thought back to that where she seen, like they lived in this tiny house and she had this desk and it was right next to the front door, like in the whole way, basically.

So there was like her and her husband and three kids and everyone had. Past, you know, every time the door opened in and out and she was trained, she was trying to work. And then it was right on the street. So people would be walking past the window and like waving at her and she’s trying to do. And she said, she like really realized, like I can’t build the business that I want here because I, I can’t put the physical boundaries and that you’re like finished for the day and move to the sofa where she could still see the 

[00:15:36] Samantha Touchais: day 

[00:15:38] Emma-Lou Parkes: all of this.

But she talks a lot there about. As well explaining to her kids, you know, because obviously now, you know, she Sheba much larger house and a dedicated office, but seeing that the kids will come in and be like, oh, mommy come and play or, or do this. And that create an, that say no, but making them understand, like I can’t, because I’m working and I’m working because that brings us the money to have this lifestyle.

And so that you can go to camp and you can do all, all of the things. But I think it’s when you approach it. And that kind of way, rather than just like, no, leave me alone. I’m busy. 

[00:16:13] Samantha Touchais: Yes. And it’s hard. I mean, it happens every day and we’ve just, we’re coming to the end of two months of summer holidays in France two months.

It’s been very long, but it’s been fabulous as well. And I I’m at a stage where I’m much, much better at organizing my time and it, and it’s quite, quite ironic actually, because when I was in the corporate world, I was knowing to be super organized. I knew everything. What was happening when for myself and my team and.

There’s something about being at home where maybe I feel I can relax more. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve had to really, really consciously plan my days. And I have my diary. Now I have a paper diary on my desk so I can see it all the time. It’s right next to me. And I can see what’s coming up. I think.

Put in breaks. And I know some people say plan in breaks. I don’t, but I, I do in my mind, so mentally every day looking to go, okay, I’ve got that time in that time, but it’s, it’s been a real challenge. And now, you know, my husband is now working from home, which he wasn’t before and yeah, that there’s the physical boundaries, but I think also, you know, when you think about.

The particular, when you have children and how much time and effort needs to go into everything. And again, you know, women, there’s a lot of statistics around it still, but the fact that we do really run most of the household, no matter what’s going on, there’s a lot of pressure on our shoulders and. Yeah, I find it.

I still feel guilty. I still think I should be spending more time with the kids. I should be spending more time with my business, building my business. And I’m at a stage now though, where I’ve just said to myself, that’s okay. That that’s just, that’s how it is. And I think now that I’m accepting things more, it’s much easier and the children.

You know, sometimes they will come in and I’ll say to them guys, I’m just doing this. Just, you know, I’ll tell you when I’m afraid and then we can I’m available again. And they still get the five-year-old was still coming. Mommy, mommy, and sort of, as I’m just in the middle of trying to do something and you know, it’s distracting, but, but that’s also, I keep reminding myself, that’s the reason I’m doing this because I can be here for them.

I can be home for the two months of summer holidays. You know, I remember being in Japan and in a shopping center. And it was, I’m trying to think. I think it was late at night for me, and it was middle of the day for my family. And I remember ringing them and it was so noisy in the shopping center. I was there for work and I had to hide in a corridor and try and call them and, you know, say to the kids, they were upset because they hadn’t seen me for a while.

And I loved the travel. I loved being in all that. I got to go to the most amazing countries. But I just was never there for them. And there was still that, that tug, it was just, it was his balance that I wasn’t in control of. And I think that’s what I’m reminding myself of now. And this is why I’m doing this because there’s so many other ways I could help people, you know, and I could be a coach for a company.

I don’t have to do it for myself, but I’m in control. And I think that’s something that’s really important. And it’s, it’s something that takes conscious effort. I think when you go into business for yourself the first time and. You know, you feel like you’ve got your clients or your customers that, that need you, and they dictate the times, but actually it’s, it’s totally up to you to organize your time, your energy, your boundaries, and it it’s a freedom and a choice that I didn’t have before.

So when I look at it through that lens, I’m super 

[00:19:32] Emma-Lou Parkes: grateful. I have 

[00:19:33] Samantha Touchais: very similar, obviously, obviously, 

[00:19:36] Emma-Lou Parkes: of course, in the, yeah. One of my, when I first came into the online space, Like the whole Simon Sinek start with why he was very popular. I mean, it still is, but it was quite the thing at the time and, you know, have your why.

And all these people had these, like, I want to impact a million women and all of this kind of thing. And 

[00:19:56] Samantha Touchais: my wife, he was 

[00:19:58] Emma-Lou Parkes: like, I just want to sleep in my bed every night because I had done shift work for 23 years. So my whole sleep pattern had been dictated. For well over half of my life by someone else.

And if I say, I just want to choose when, when I go to bed and when I came up and maybe that was a bit selfish or not a big enough vision, but I bring it back to that sometimes because there’ve been times in my business that I felt like I wasn’t growing quickly enough. And it was, it always was, but, you know, comparison trap and all of this and COVID and, and frustration.

And can I sit here and have. Oh, I get to choose. I chose what time I got up this morning and I get to choose when I go to bed and, you know, and it’s, it sounds simple, but when I bring it back to that, I’m so grateful, so grateful to be able to choose. 

[00:20:50] Samantha Touchais: And I, I think the why it is still a very, very important question, but I think, I think it’s multilayered because.

When I say that all the time with people saying exactly, as you said, they want to impact, you know, X amount of people or they want to, you know, whatever it is. And then these big goals, which is fantastic, but that’s the goal. And that’s, that can pull you through, you know, when they’re in these downtimes or when you think you’re, you know, things aren’t going so well.

And, and you’re being challenged, particularly with, with COVID or these things that can happen, you know, Come up and suddenly the whole family’s at home with you when you were happily working by yourself at home before or whatever it is. But I think there has to be an element for yourself and exactly as that, you know, I was saying like, remembering, I’m here, I’m available for the family.

I have time to read all the personal development books I want to read, to learn, to do all this study. I want to do. I can, I can manage my own time. Now I don’t have to check with the boss. Can I take a day off or can I do this? Or can I do that? I’m not asking anyone anymore. And that was really hard for me at first as well, because I’m a massive people pleaser and I’m used to having someone else make those final decision.

You know, decision-making was, was hard for me as well. I could do it within the remit of my job. I was very good at that, but there were bigger decisions and, and little things in, for example, some of the companies I worked for a very, very large international companies and some of the smallest decisions I’d have to stand up in front of the board of directors and everyone was so nervous in case they said no, and we’d have to stand up there and I’d do a big presentation about something.

And I remember thinking. Days and weeks, if not months have gone into the five minutes I’m going to have in front of the board to make a small decision. That’s really not going to impact people at the end of the day. It’s not changing or saving lives. Um, and, but that there was a comfort around. You know, there were other people confirming my thoughts and backing up what I was doing, and then you go into business for yourself and you think, wow.

Um, okay, do I do that? Yes. No. Like who do I talk to? And that, that was a challenge as well. And I think that’s a bit of a massive growth I’ve had to make, to, to learn, to trust myself and say, I can. Do this I’m capable. I’ve made millions of decisions in my life and, you know, what’s the worst that could happen.

And I think, and again, remembering that why is about this freedom and freedom of choice and, and ultimately doing what we want with our lives, not being dictated to not being held within certain constraints that maybe don’t suit us in our personalities. It’s, it’s a fabulous position to be in now. And that is 

[00:23:26] Emma-Lou Parkes: certainly somewhere.

In business, that coaching is invaluable of that. You know, I like to look at it like you’re that sort of people can sense. Also that people can get used to making decisions. Cause like you say, they’re really good at making decisions. Um, you know, your clients, I know like mine, a lot of, you know, type a, a lot of high-achievers outside of their business.

They’re very used to making good decisions, very intelligent people, but having someone there to either sense, check it or to ask you the questions so that you know, that you’re on the right. Um, and that’s what coaching essentially is. You’re not saying to people, right? Here’s an exact business plan to go out and replicate and, and grow your revenue.

You it’s, it’s a collaboration and it’s a partnership and it’s given the amount of support to make people confident in themselves. But without making them codependent on asking you for every single thing, and I think that’s a balance. You know, is very difficult to achieve sometimes. 

[00:24:29] Samantha Touchais: Absolutely. And I think you and I have talked about this before, you know, this, you see coaches out there talking about, basically, if you work with me, you’re going to make X amount of money and, and all these promises.

And I think, you know, when I think about myself as a coach, one of the many things that I can offer, and it would be the same for you is the experience that we’ve had. So there is the corporate life. There is, I mean, I’ve been trained by some of the best trainers in the world, and I’m so fortunate to have all of that.

And there’s my own personal journey and all the things I’ve gone through in my own life. And then there’s, you know, this is, I’ve had four businesses, two I sold and two, I, I still have in including my coaching business. And so there’s all that experience from that. So, You know, I, the way I think of coaching is ultimately everyone I speak to, I know they’re capable of doing this.

And even just the fact that they’re thinking, even if they haven’t started a business, yet the fact that they’re thinking of that is already a massive step to say, yes, you know, this is what I want and everybody can do it. There are, there are ways that are easier to get to success in harder ways, you know, and there’s techniques and methods and, and all of that to follow.

But yeah. Everyone can do it. I’ve never come across someone who I thought of forgetting. You’re going to not have a chance at all, but it’s about saying you can stumble. You can. The internet has all the answers, but you’re going to spend weeks, months, years searching for them. And having a coach is for me is really about having someone next to you.

You know, sometimes I pictured I’m quite a visual person, but I’ll picture myself further along the. And I actually did a post today about how this, this image came into my mind about being up a mountain and someone standing at the bottom of this mountain and that they’ve never climbed a mountain and they’re looking up at it thinking how on earth?

I know I’ve got to get to the top of this thing because that’s where my goal is in my reward. Is that how on earth am I going to get up there? And they can figure it out. They can do it themselves. They can start up one part that doesn’t work. They come back down, they try another way, or they can have someone at the top.

Actually just done that and who can turn around and say, okay, don’t go that way because that you’re going to fall off. You’re going to come to a dead end, you know, and start directing them through. And as I was thinking of this image, I thought, you know, as a coach, sometimes I’m at the top of that mountain calling out and saying, here you go, here’s the rope.

I’m going to throw the rope down. I’m going to help you get up. I’ve got snacks, I’ve got drinks. You know, whatever you need to, to keep you going. And then when they get really stuck, I can come down that mountain. And be next to them and say, okay, come on, let’s get you through this. Let’s talk. What do you think you should do?

But it’s it’s, as you say, it’s not about giving the exact answers because there are no exact answers. That’s the whole point of running a business, that there are things that work, and there are things that don’t work so well, but ultimately it’s, it’s humans to humans and we’re not robots. And there’s going to be some days you’re going to connect with your clients and your customers or your audience.

In a way that really resonates with them. And other days that maybe doesn’t because maybe it’s not you, maybe it’s not your message. Maybe they’ve got something going on with them and they’re not receptive to that. But I think being a coach is, is lending the experience that we have, the knowledge that we have, the learnings, the failures, all of that stuff.

But I think also being there supporting somebody because running your own business can be very, very lonely. And that’s actually, I think probably one of the biggest barriers that I think my clients talk about at the beginning stages and like, oh, I’ve got to do this myself. You know, I’m used to being with other people and maybe even bouncing ideas off people and suddenly they’re going to business for themselves.

Their family might not understand them. I had someone the other day whose husband is, is totally against her running her own business. And that’s a massive inner relationship issue that she’s going to have to work on. You know, having that coach, having just another brain, you know, getting someone else in, get another perspective.

And because as a coach, we’re not invested in our client’s businesses. Like they are, of course we want them to succeed of course, where they’re, you know, cheering them on. But from an emotional standpoint, we can be more unbiased than they can. And we can stand back and say, okay, I’ve got the big picture.

I’m up at the top of this mountain and I’m looking down, you can’t see it because all you can see is where you’re going to put your hand in your foot next, but I’ve got the whole picture so I can tell you what you can’t see. And I think, I think that’s probably the biggest thing. Coaching. That’s the one place that 

[00:28:58] Emma-Lou Parkes: for years, I couldn’t really see how my air traffic control experience would come into coach.

And I just used my coach and experience, but seeing that big picture and see in very quickly, all of the moving parts and like, oh, you’re here and you want to get here. Like, what’s the most efficient. That we can do it because like you say, all you can see is what what’s right in front of your face. So big, big picture.

And that, that emotional detachment, I’m going to say someone that can make solid decisions without, because we are emotional beings. Of course, we’re going to feel things and, you know, get swayed by things. So. Before we wrap up, I’ve got a very left-field question that as you were talking, that came to me, but you said you’ve worked in six different countries.

I’ve worked in four because obviously it’s us, but we both traveled extensively. And I would love to know if everywhere that you have worked, which country was the most friendly to sensitive introverts, would you say 

[00:29:56] Samantha Touchais: I’m going to answer that in two ways that the country that I thought would be, and that turned out not to be was homeless.

Oh, no, 

[00:30:07] Emma-Lou Parkes: I just think it is standard in the middle of the street and 

[00:30:09] Samantha Touchais: central and the hustle. Yeah, that was a shock. No, but the reason I say that and, and I think Japan as well, kind of linking them together, even though the free, free different countries, but linking them together. There’s this, um, I guess I had a misunderstanding, I thought with the Asian culture, there’s, there’s a lot of respect that does exist that I, that I really respect.

I think it’s great. But I thought that. They would be a little bit more sensitive, a little, you know, not prying into each other’s lives. And in fact it was the complete opposite. Oh my goodness. It was funny. And I had the best time living in Hong Kong. It was fabulous. And I love the Chinese people, but yeah, they, they were much more direct and less introvert friendly that I thought they would be.

Um, I th I think the Swiss when we’re in Switzerland. Yeah. And it’s, it’s a blessing and a curse, I think in some ways, because. The, you know, when you’re in Switzerland, all the neighbors know what’s going. You don’t know that they know you don’t see them, but everybody’s watching everybody else. Everybody knows what’s going on.

And I remember once we, that the doorbell rang, we just moved house and there was our, I didn’t know this woman who was standing on the doorstep and she said she was a neighbor. And I said, oh, great, lovely to meet you. And I started to explain who we were and she went, oh, I know you’re Australian, your husband’s French, blah, blah, blah.

And she said that the listing our whole lives. And I thought, how do you know that? But I think there as well, you. There’s an expectation that you do keep it a little bit to yourself, so you can feel a bit safer, you know, you don’t you, and it’s very different because we lived on the German side and the French side both were very different, but you say hello, and that’s kind of it.

And I felt reasonably safe there as an introvert because I didn’t feel that I had to even show much of who I was like, I could just say hello and get on with my day. So know that that’s good and that that’s not so good. You can look at it from both points of view. Yeah, I would say Switzerland, 

[00:32:04] Emma-Lou Parkes: it’s funny when I asked you, because I didn’t actually know that you’d worked in Switzerland.

Um, but it doesn’t surprise me and Switzerland would also be my choice. 

[00:32:13] Samantha Touchais: My friend, I lived on the German 

[00:32:16] Emma-Lou Parkes: side. Uh it’s like I was working in Dubin, doff, just outside of Chirac. And for me. With Switzerland. Yeah. It made me laugh. When you said about keeping to yourself, because like this, these are hours that you’re not meant to call people or like knock on their door,

especially at the weekend, but it’s quite nice because you know, they have that there’s boundaries to protect themselves. For me, I love, um, and it kind of goes hand in hand with Singapore. It reminds me of Singapore, how it’s very clean and people keep it distant. It’s like a healthy distance. It’s not like Shannon knew, but I just remember getting the train to work in Switzerland and the train was quiet.

No one one’s playing loud shout and, and it was clean and it was just, I could walk from, you know, the train to their apartment late at night. Safe. And I could, I could get a piece of land direct chocolate before I got on the train. And that could be my snack, which was amazing, but it just all felt like some people find Switzerland and Singapore, I felt like very sterile and I think it’s a bit star on a board, but I think an introverted, sensitive, nervous system, I.

Like in this beautiful bubble of, 

[00:33:34] Samantha Touchais: yes, it definitely is. Yeah. It was a shock coming back to France because France and we’ve, we’ve lived in many different parts of France as well, but, um, Yeah. The, the, the personal space of boundaries are very different. So it’s taken a little bit of a chesty. 

[00:33:53] Emma-Lou Parkes: I love that.

It’s such a, one of those things that we think about. Like, I mean, I look back at all the countries that I was drawn to as a child, but I didn’t really understand why I was drawn to them. Uh, like, especially like the Nordic countries and Switzerland. And then when I visited them, I say, oh, I get it. It’s because it’s, 

[00:34:09] Samantha Touchais: it’s kind.

Yeah, but it’s funny because I was a, I call myself a closet introvert. Actually, I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have identified. As that when I was growing up. Oh, okay. Well obviously I’m looking back and, and all the places that I used to go to and the things I would do and on the weekends, and I used to, I don’t know.

I remember talking about with my husband who who’s quite introverted and talking about a nightclub, but there was this nightclub I went to, he was horrified. He said, why on earth would you squish yourself into this dark sweaty room? And it just couldn’t get his head around it. Again now, gosh, when I look at what I prefer and I’m, I’m finding out of the closet as an introvert.

Well, 

[00:34:55] Emma-Lou Parkes: welcome. I think we, we grow into ourselves and grow into our introversion for sure. Um, so before I let you go, obviously I’m going to ask you, I know you’re a big reader as well. We’ve had discussions about books, psych, anyone listening, the kids grow and scale their business. Which book would you recommend?

[00:35:17] Samantha Touchais: So I have a book I recommend to everybody. Um, it’s a little unusual. It’s called taming tigers. And it’s by a man called Jim lawless. And I always laugh because he was a lawyer and his surname’s lawless. So I don’t know why that just seems to amuse me, but, um, he, he has this wonderful way of writing and really connecting with the audience and he uses his own personal story.

And I won’t say too much cause you really should read it. It’s extremely engaging. It’s very funny. But he agrees to address. To do something that is so out of the ordinary and he describes how he prepares for what he does and how he goes through it. But the reason that this relates to business is because the way he taught and he never calls it the ego ever, but he really talks about the ego and that little voice that pops up and all these doubts and these beliefs we have about ourself that either support us or don’t support us.

And I think, again, particularly the women, but for men as well. Um, and. Perhaps, even for introvert, introverts, and highly sensitive people, we do pick up on these energies of others in doubts of others. And we doubt ourselves. And I think this really, really made a massive difference to me. I read it years ago and I’ve read it again a number of times, but he describes the ego as a total.

And there’s this tiger that walks along beside you. And as soon as you know, when everything’s normal, you’re doing a normal thing. The Tiger’s just there. Everything’s happy. You don’t even know the time is there. As soon as you step outside of your comfort zone, you try and do something that’s a little bit different, a little bit out of the ordinary.

The titer will start grounding at you. And there was something about the way he describes it in this imagery that just has always stuck with me. And I used it. I don’t anymore, but I used that imagery for myself when I first went into business. And I would, it sounds a bit silly, actually a bit embarrassing, but I would imagine that tiger there.

And when I would feel this, this doubt coming up and this tiger showing me its teeth, I would pat it, you know, imagine just patting him, like, come on. It’s okay. You get, and it would go back to sleep and then I’d move on. And that really helped me because I think we have these doubts that, that come up. And we think they’re facts.

You know, we feel like that must be based on truth. Cause it’s in my head, you know, would I like to myself, of course I wouldn’t lie to myself, but in fact we lie to ourselves all the time. So that, that’s why I recommend that book. I think it’s a good rate. It’s an easy read. It’s fun. But the imagery is, has helped me tremendously.

[00:37:39] Emma-Lou Parkes: And I think that when we can connect with imagery or story, which is why storytelling content is so engaging and popular these days, that it really does help to make that connection. So thank you for recommending it. I have not read it. So it’s going on list. Good. 

[00:37:54] Samantha Touchais: Thank you so much 

[00:37:55] Emma-Lou Parkes: for having our free flowing chat today and sharing all your wisdom and get to drop all of your links in the show notes.

So anyone that wants to connect with 

[00:38:04] Samantha Touchais: Samantha, you know, where to find. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. It’s been fabulous.